12.24.06
By Rob
In case you hadn’t noticed, Population Paste is on hiatus. It might seem crazy, but Ali and I have other things going on in our lives that sometimes prevent us from perusing the weirdest, darkest corners of the internet and writing about them. However, I for one would love to see Paste resurrected, and since it’s clear that the two of us alone aren’t going to get our shit together to make it happen, we’re going to need your help. If you’re a talented writer with a desensitized mind and razor-sharp wit, and would be interested in contributing articles to this fine establishment, send some info about yourself and your very best writing samples to rob@populationpaste.com with the subject “I LOVE TENTACLE PORN.” If I ever get around to looking through the submissions, and if any of them meet our high quality standards, maybe we’ll get some new articles going around here. By the way, writing for this site does not involve actively seeking out subject matter - our readers provide that in spades, and we have a massive backlog of horrifying content just waiting to be dug into. It also doesn’t pay anything right now - you’d be involved purely for your love of coprophilia and adult babies. Of course, if we’re able to get the site running again and start generating some revenue from it, then we’ll throw some cash your way.
12.14.06
By Rob
So yeah, it’s been a while. We’ve been busy again. But that’s okay, because like a persistent infection, we’re back, and we have a special treat for you today.
Many years ago, some friends of mine bought a penis pump as a gag gift for another friend. The pump came with a VHS tape entitled “How To Enlarge Your Penis.” On it, an obscure gay porn star named Scott Taylor walks you through the process of enlarging your meatsicle via meticulous demonstration, and discusses his lengthy (pun intended) experiences with the pump - all in a charming wrapper of bad 80’s DIY video production. The tape was so funny and creepy and amazing that it became a thing of legend amongst our group of friends - but over the years, we lost track of the video, and we feared it gone forever, lost to the world like an ancient treasure… until last night. While digging through some old hard drives, I found a digital copy we’d made of the infamous tape - and now, I shall share it with you.
This video is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. There are so many great lines, I don’t even know where to start. For quick and convenient viewing, I’ve put together a 5 minute highlight reel on PornoTube:
But if you want the true experience, I highly recommend watching the full 15 minute feature:
“HOW TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS” by Scott Taylor (Quicktime, 15mb)
We’ll be back with a “bigger” (pun again intended) update soon. No, really.
Posted in
sex toys,
body mods at 3:42 pm
10.23.06
By Ali
It never ceases to blow my mind how many talented artists draw really fucking weird sexual imagery. Rob Clarke is one such artist. His works run the whole gay gamut, from your typical leathermen/cops/marines to defecating clowns (?!).
Rob is an illustrator who focuses on erotic gay imagery, with all of his men done in the hunky Tom of Finland style. Setting his work apart from other gay artwork I’ve seen (not that I’ve seen a lot or anything!) is that his images typically have a humorous side to them. At least I hope humor was the intended outcome, as I’d like to think that gay illustration aficionados don’t regularly fantasize about Joe Camel orgies:
Rob’s site has a whole section of holiday-oriented artwork, including tax day and even the under-appreciated groundhog day. This little guy predicts six more weeks of anal fisting:
The fun continues in a series of illustrations, many of them famous people in various stages of undress. I’m pointing this one out because why the fuck does half-dolphin David Bowie have half-dog David Bowie on a leash?
Rob seems to have a heightened interest in bodily functions, as is evidenced by the numerous defecating half-donkey men and farting cowboys. Apparently the Wild West was full of beefcake men who would frequently strip down to their boots and hold erotic fart rodeos:
There is also quite a bit of focus on men that are either dressed as animals or turning into them. My personal favorites are the men turning into donkeys a-la Pinocchio, but nude and with muscles bulging and schlongs flopping. There’s many more illustrations of otherwise normal men with animal features (curly pig tails or bunny ears) and men dressed as animals scattered throughout the site. Cock-a-doodle-doo indeed!
As always, I like to save the best for last. There’s one part of the site, the Poodle Parlor, that’s focused on the farting, shitting poodle boy. Each image is animated and accompanied by a dog-related joke. It’s really hard to pick out the single creepiest part of the poodle images. Is it the little white pompadour with the bow attached to a nude man? Is it the fact that he’s farting up a storm in two of the images? Is it the fucking butterflies? You tell me.
And even though this isn’t really erotic or anything, I figured I’d share the link to the Poodle Fitness video because it’s been making the rounds lately and it’s creepy as fuck:
10.02.06
By Rob
Suffice to say, nothing we could dig up for the site this week could possibly be as grotesque as Republican Representative Mark Foley’s instant message creepfest with an underage boy (although this comes pretty damned close). But a little detail in the colorful Foley transcript caught my eye, and it gave me an idea for a nice, topical entry for Population Paste. See? This site counts as current events.
In the chat heard round the world, Foley’s teenage victim mentions he has an inexplicable arousal to girls wearing casts. Foley considers this a bit strange, which is an interesting assertion from a fifty year old man who just asked his teenage page what he does with his spooge towel after he jacks off. As it turns out, the kid is far from alone in getting a chubby at the sight of a girl all wrapped up in plaster - a large group of cast fetishists have carved out a comfy niche in cyberspace, where they look at photos of girls in casts, write stories about girls in casts, and draw pictures of girls in casts.
This is another one I just don’t get. Maybe it’s because I spent a whole summer in a full leg cast once, so I can say with some authority that it sucks beyond my ability to describe. There is nothing fun or sexy about it - the only upside was getting sponge baths from sympathetic girls, since you can’t shower like a normal human. Otherwise, breaking your limbs and, more significantly, the many months of agonizing recovery that follow, is a horrendous experience. But that seems to be part of the appeal to cast fetishists. One blogger, Krista, apparently began innocently documenting an extensive injury she suffered, only to find cast fetishists leaping on the pictures she posted by the hundreds. Her posted response sums the matter up pretty nicely.
But enough admonishment, let’s get to the pictures! As with similar fetishes like the whole amputee thing, cast porn rarely even qualifies as actual porn, since most of the models are fully clothed - which, of course, only adds to the weirdness. You’d have a much easier time talking me into this if there were at least naked chicks involved, but more often it’s just helpless girls trying to get through their day-to-day life while wearing various casts. Sometimes that means going to the park and riding the teeter-totter with a full head cast:
Cast Fetish and FantaCast seem to be the two biggest casting sites - on the sample pictures page you’ll get an idea of what kind of images people pay money to see. Note the eerie and universal use of acronyms to describe different types of casts, such as SLC (short leg cast) and LATS (long arm…. something that starts with a t… cast). Note also that these girls haven’t actually even injured themselves, they’ve just been paid to put on casts and hobble around for the camera.
At least at Gips Dreams there is some nudity every now and then. Not that it helps inch any of this any closer to being sexy:
Indeed, the chances of finding any actual injured girls who would be willing to exploit their misery for the sake of lonely niche masturbators is pretty slim - thankfully the seriously disturbed individuals at Cast Central regularly scour the web for candid photos of actual teenage girls who have actually broken their bones - then steal said photos and make them available for their paying members to jack off to. That’s perverse enough even to make Mark Foley proud.
Not to be outdone, Cast Fetish volleys back with its stunningly shameless contributions page, where fans of the site send in their own candid snapshots of strangers they happen to see with casts on. There is even a little photo documentary of a young girl breaking her ankle playing soccer, with the caption “Nothing like the feeling, or sound of your ankle breaking. I was about 20 feet away and heard it.” Wow. Nice to know your little bald soldier can stand to attention at the sound of a girl’s bone cracking, you twisted fuck.
As with all fringe fetishes, the cast fetish brings with it a delightful assortment of terrible artwork - and as you know, that’s one of our favorite things here at Population Paste. Cast Fetish has a large art gallery, which runs the gamut from bad pencil sketches like this one:
To full 3D renderings like these:
My favorites, though, are from a series of illustrations depicting sad girls laid up in elaborate casts, accompanied by little stories that detail their pain and misery. Usually their casting has them conveniently stuck in a sexual position, like this girl whose injuries required that her hand be positioned between her legs, and that she regularly exercise the fingers of said hand to avoid muscle atrophy. Riiiiiight:
I like how the doctor was kind enough to leave a little window for her boobs. You know, so they can breathe.
Oddly, a lot of girls in these drawings manage to have very specific injuries which require them to be positioned with their legs spread wide open. Huh! Imagine that!
If all the custom photo shoots, art galleries, candid shots, and stories aren’t quite enough for your casting needs, Plaster Of Paradise (great name) has an extensive gallery of casts in movies and TV. Like these overwhelmingly erotic stills from an episode of Laverne & Shirley where the hapless Laverne breaks her leg and comedic hijacks ensue:
Ooooh yeah, that’s hot. Just try to walk, Laverne! Just try! You can’t, can you?? Ooooh, you’re so sexy when you’re helpless.
Casting has also entered the “blogosphere,” as the kids call it: Cast World has the same mindless ramblings and excessive YouTube linking you’ve come to expect from blogs, but this time it’s all about casts. The most recent entry excitedly points readers to the latest addition to Apple’s clever anti-PC ad campaign, which has The Daily Show’s John Hodgman - aka the PC - looking mighty sexy in a delicious left arm SAC, a sultry left leg LLC, and a titillating right arm LAC - ooooh baby! The cast-enamored blogger comments:
“Irregardless of what computer you turn on each night, at least one thing in this add is clear for cast lovers everywhere, Mac is certainly the runner up here!”
Riiiiiiight.
Since being in a cast is so fun and sexy, I’m going to offer a free service to any cast-a-holics who want to “live the dream,” so to speak. Come see me and for absolutely no charge, I will smash your kneecap with a sledgehammer until it is little more than a formless mess of bone fragments. Sounds painful, I know, but think of the bright side - you’ll get to spend months and months in a shiny new LLC, just like I did! Well, what are you waiting for?
While I’m at it, here’s some of my own personal cast porn - this is me right after taking off my LLC - pretty hot, huh?
It smelled, too. Real bad.
How’s that boner coming along?
09.13.06
By Rob
Since Ali blackened my soul in ways I thought previously unimaginable with her most recent entry, I decided I’m not even going to try and compete. In fact, what I bring for you today doesn’t even involve any nudity, let alone millipedes crawling in and out of urethras. No, today I bring you a light-heartedly weird fetish from the fringes of sexuality: The crush fetish.
According to the bastion of useful knowledge that is Wikipedia, a crush fetish is “a paraphilia which primarily consists of the desire to see others (generally members of the opposite sex) crush inanimate objects or small creatures.” I was aware of this fetish in regards to the crossroads between foot fetishism and femdom where men like to be trampled on by dominating females, often with high heels or bare feet. And yeah, I suppose that’s weird, but in the scope of things, it’s not that weird. What is weird is the inanimate object side of crushing/trampling, which was brought to my attention via an anonymous submission of a site called tube crushing.
Tubecrushing.com is your one-stop shop for all things related to an absurdly specific corner of the crushing fetish which relates exclusively to “stomping and squizing [sic] every drop of liquid mass out of tubes.” This means - you guessed it - high heels squeezing toothpaste tubes:
Personally I like the ketchup-squirting action - I suppose this is the tube-crushing equivalent of the cumshot:
When I saw all of this, I honestly thought it was a joke. I thought maybe someone was satirizing fringe fetishes and made it as a parody. But further research led me to see cucumber crushing on hercruelfeet.com:
…and violent teddy bear massacres on crushmovies.com:
…and point-of-view crushing at antatheka.de:
…and my eventual concession that not only is this fetish for real, but it’s surprisingly extensive.
There’s a lot of crushing of miniature people - Ken dolls and the like - because somewhere along the line crush fetishism intersects with the whole giantess aspect of macrophilia. Seriously, someone needs to build a family tree of obscure fetishes, because this shit gets confusing. I think I’ll save the giantess shit for another day, because it has produced enough bad Photoshopping to be worthy of its own entry - consider this sample, in which a giant woman rises from the sea Godzilla style to reclaim her pumps, which seem to have been mistaken for WMDs and confiscated by the US military:
Oh, and in case you were wondering: Yes, crush fetish occasionally deviates into the crushing of actual small creatures, although most of the crush community thankfully won’t tolerate it. There is, however, some pretty nasty snail crushing on crushmovies.com:
And to this I say: FUCK YOU, creature crushers! Have your little fringe fetish fun with toothpaste tubes and balloon animals, but leave Goddamn innocent critters out of it - yeah, even snails.
Anyway, what I like about the inanimate object crushing fetish is that as far as porn goes, it’s very economical. While mainstream pornographers have spend at least a few dollars to hire trailer trash junkie girls with low self esteem who will let a dirty old man ram a cock down their throat until they puke while two big black dicks are mining their colon, creating crush porn is quick, easy, and chances are you already have everything you need to get started!
To prove this, I decided to make my very own crush porn gallery and hope that the crush fetishists of the world will approve of my work. Since I have an absurd amount of miniature things, I’m the perfect candidate for a new crush pornographer. I just gathered together some things from around the house, and asked a couple of the many hot sluts who regularly come over simply for the privilege of servicing my dick if I could briefly borrow their feet - and ten minutes later, I have a highly erotic collection of crush porn images.
This inaugural series in what is sure to be a long and prosperous career in crush porn focuses on merciless giant women who squish the life from helpless pop culture icons with their mighty high heels. So, who’s our first victim?
It’s-a-him, Mario! Mama Mia!
Oh no, Beaker! Nooooooo!
Even the Last Son Of Krypton is no might for our ruthless giantess!
Watch the poor Xenomorph struggle under the weight of crushing high heels! Ooooh yeah that’s hot stuff!
Roboto is pinned down! Where’s He-Man when you need him? Fuck, these pictures are sexy!
The merciless foot of doom does what the Turtles never could, and squishes the evil Krang like a bug! Yeah, baby, oh yeah, crush that little alien brain creature!
Oh fuck, not Mark Mothersbaugh! SPARE MARK MOTHERSBAUGH!!
Admiral Ackbar! The rebellion will crumble without you!
Oh man, I’m getting really hot, and it’s hard to type with one hand, so I think that’s enough for now. For my first foray into crush porn, I’d say I hit a home run, no?
Seriously though, if any actual crush fetishists have stumbled upon this page and actually found the above photos arousing and have as a result engaged in auto-erotic stimulation while viewing the above photos, PLEASE e-mail us and tell us about your experience. It would make a great follow-up report.
Posted in
inanimate objects at 2:26 am
08.16.06
By Ali
Yeah I know it’s been a while, but sadly, sometimes you need to focus on things other than women pumping gas pedals and men fucking stuffed animals. No, the internet didn’t run out of weird porn, we just ran out of time to find it (again). I hope I never have to stray from pursuing my true ambition: Watching disgusting people doing disgusting things.
Speaking of disgusting people doing disgusting things, boy howdy do I have a treat for everyone today! I know Rob and I have often said that our content is really fucked up and shouldn’t exist, but this time WE REALLY MEAN IT! This is seriously disturbing, to the point that I kind of want to hide under my bed for the rest of the day. This is not for the faint of heart, and if you have a penis then be prepared to cradle it and reassure it that you will never do anything depicted in the following pictures and video.
So let’s break it down all: In the world of BDSM there’s something called cock and ball torture, or CBT. It’s a catch-all phrase for any sort of pain inflicted on the male genitals. Quite often it will involve things like tying ropes around the gentials, piercing the penis, kicking the testes, or inserting things like medical sounds into the urethra. While I’m sure other groups find bug bites on the nipples and vulva erotic (why not, right?) it mostly seems to be a focused subset of the CBT group.
But enough of me yammering, here’s the arthrophiles in action:
Crickets don’t bite so I don’t know why he’s got droplets of blood on his dong.
As for why anyone would be into this sort of thing, I couldn’t tell you. You’d have find a man hanging around fucking anthills and ask them. If I had to guess though, I’d say it’s that the sensation of a bug bite is succinctly different from any other type of abuse another person can inflict on male genitals, and because insects are unpredictable it’s hard to tell how they’ll move or when they’ll bite.
Festering wounds are the fly equivalent of a watering hole.
After getting hella crunk on this man’s semen, the flies stagger off to explore the rest of the glans.
Some species of slug?
And I’m not even going to try and guess what those marks are, I just know penisflesh isn’t supposed to look like that.
And now, a snippet of a video from the massive and disturbing collection over at BMEVideo (if you have a membership then you might want to check this out). If I played Monopoly and drew an “Erase the memory of your choice” card, I wouldn’t use it on the time I broke my arm, or the first time a boy broke my heart, I’d use it on this. I had to crop the picture down pretty far because I can’t stand looking at the full thing. Good luck watching it, and may God have mercy on us all:
Thanks (?) to my homeboy Jon for hookin’ me up with some samples from his personal collection.
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